Lazy writing. We’ve all done it. I’m doing it right now. You’ll be lucky to get one coherent thought out of this entry. There’s some obvious signs of lazy writing. ‘It was a dark and stormy night’ let’s you know right up front. Recently, my wife handed me a novel and asked me if it was as bad as she thought it was. She wanted me to read the first chapter but it only took one page. The book was about vampires. The story opens with a young archaeology student looking over an old battlefield early in the morning. I guess the student’s musings are vivid because the author told me they were vivid. The actual images of cannon smoke and screaming men were pretty standard and not very vivid but we did find out the battlefield was Gettysburgh. He told us. I got as far as the young man rubbing his sleep heavy eyes, only to discover that he forgot he was wearing kohl from ‘last night’s clubbing’. I didn’t read further but I’m pretty sure the young archaeologist is going to dig up some vampires in that old battlefield. I’m also guessing that these bloodsucking fiends had soft southern accents and fought for the Confederacy. I don’t know how the Union managed to beat the North hating Nosferatu but I know they did. After all, the North won.
I can actually enjoy lazy writing when the writer cops to it….”The toilet flushed with that sound that toilets make when they flush.” That’s kinda funny. It might fit a character: From an old sitcom (The Single Guy), a show about a writer and his friend who says of playing cards, “Poker’ll burn ya, Sammy. If your’re not careful she’ll burn ya like…some…great burning thing.” I had one when I was making fun of a preacher, “You will burn in a fiery lake of fire.” Homer Simpson has tons of those but I suspect they aren’t the result of lazy writing. It probably takes alot of work.
You’re probably smarter to pursue lazy writing actually. People snap up paperbacks that seem pretty much phoned in to me. I like a light read as much as the next guy but c’mon, switch it up a little. I’m talking to you Dean Koontz. TV is worse of course. I’m willing to cut the writer’s a little slack on this one. There’s only so many ways you can write about a boy/girl who’s in love with someone but can’t seem to find the right time to tell them(for as many seasons as possible). Of course you don’t have to settle for lazy writing on TV. I’m looking forward to the next season of Firefly….oh, wait.