I Need Help With My Breasts (NSFW?)

Writer #1:  If you ask me, word choice is everything.

Writer #2:  You couldn’t be more wrong.  Diction is everything.

 

So I’m writing what may or may not be a love scene.  There’s definitely a good looking young woman with no clothes on.  There’s definitely a young man admiring this young lady and her nakedness.  But halfway through I’ve encountered a rare problem:  too many breasts.  If it was first person from this randy young fellow’s perspective I could just use any slang a teenager would use seeing his first live and in-person ta-ta’s.  But no, it’s a third person narrative so I’m just writing breasts over and over again.   Too poetic (milky swell of womanhood, say) isn’t right, the kid’s not that slick.  Heaving bosoms are right out.  She’s not even wearing a bodice to rip.  Boobies is always fun but it’s a little too juvinile even for my young lovers.  I personally don’t have a problem with titties but it has just a hint of X-rated that doesn’t feel right on the page.  But breast just feels so…boring.  It’s what most people say when they’re too shy to say knockers.  It’s almost clinical really, just short of mammaries.  How many breasts can a paragraph have before it starts to sound redundant?  Why can’t the kid at least try to look somewhere else?  I mean they’re nice knockers but come on.  She could put on a shirt or something too.  She knows the dude is checking out her chi-chi’s.  Damn teenagers anyway. Show some restraint. 

Hooters.  Rack.  Naughty Pillows.

Maybe I can just get ’em a room.

About Eric Bahle

Eric Bahle stopped going to his real job so he could be a full time digital author and storyteller. He loves being in the woods with his bow or on the water in his kayak. He lives in Pennsylvania with his lovely wife and a mongrel dog. He is working on his next bestselling story.

Comments

  1. Do you need to go into detail on the love scene? Rather then capturing the visual moment, I would suggest going for the connection between characters, and leave the details of who touches what part of whom, and when to the director. This will solve the overuse of the stale word breasts, and keep you from having to use fun words like love pillows, ta-tas, knockers, hooters, bangers, melons, and any other combination of words that would imply a wonderful set of gazoongas.

    🙂

  2. This should get you going. I’m nor sure it will be much help, though… 😉