- Image by rachelkramerbussel.com via Flickr
I made the mistake of volunteering to write grant proposals for a small, local, non-profit organization. I have a little background in what a grant needs to say, and I enjoy writing, so it seemed a natural fit to make a contribution to a worthwhile cause. Like every new experience there was some learning involved, most of it in the frustrating, irritating and regretting category.
After figuring out how to overcome the first hurdle, how to request money for administrative costs when foundations are loathe to donate money for just that reason, and then learning to maneuver the Giant Charity Dollar Consolidator’s computer system, I thought my task was largely accomplished. Until I ran into the Comma Queen, the underpaid, highly detail-oriented program coordinator of this unnamed local non-profit. That’s Program Coordinator with a Capital P, Capital C as I was reminded in the first round of edits. She also declared that a comma should be inserted in every series of nouns before the ‘and’ — papers, pens, and pencils.
Whereas I was under the impression that particular comma style had been retired sometime in the ‘70’s and was no longer the standard. After the third editing round-about, late the night before the grant deadline, I threw up the white flag and added in the last of the missing serial commas for the Comma Queen.
Once the dust settled from our Passive-Aggressive Comma War, I decided to seek out who was right, me or the Comma Queen. I found an old high school grammar text book, a 1965 edition of the Modern Grammar and Composition which is clearly marked THIS BOOK IS THE PROPERTY OF THE STATE. The three students who were issued the book from 1966 through 1968 had signed their names on the front inside cover, the last being my brother-in-law. Why it’s on my bookshelf, at a distance of a thousand miles, two states and four decades, is a mystery to me. Nevertheless, it served my purpose even if it is a crime of possession that hopefully the State of Texas never discovers.
Well, round one goes to the Comma Queen. The text clearly showed that a comma is required before the ‘and’ in a series. That was in 1965. Unconvinced, I sought out more current sources of expertise and it turns out the series comma is an either or situation. In journalism, the series comma, or as it’s referred to by some, the Oxford comma or even the Harvard comma, was dropped for expediency. In literature it’s still the standard.
I was satisfied with a draw in the Passive-Aggressive Comma War. However, after reading more about it, I must admit there are times when that extra comma makes for better clarity. Example — I owe my life to my two brothers, Chloe and Lucy.
My brothers aren’t named Chloe and Lucy. The intent was to identify three subjects, not two with subsequent names. It’s misleading without the series comma. There are lots of other examples on when the series comma is necessary. And, some claim, for consistency sake, it should always be used.
So now I’m going to have to sit down with the Comma Queen and show her the difference, when it’s needed and when it’s not. Maybe then we can sign a treaty, calling an end to the Passive- Aggressive Comma War. Hopefully negotiations will be concluded before the next grant proposal comes around.
Related articles
- “Why It Is Vitally Necessary To Prevent The Extinction Of The Final Serial Comma” Ctd (andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com)
- Resources on Using Commas Correctly (4rxt.wordpress.com)
- The Serial Comma wars (professorbainbridge.com)
- Merle Haggard and the Gay Serial Comma (outsidethebeltway.com)
creative writing + self analysis
In our writing group, which all of the posters on this blog belong to, we have been picking a “logline” prompt to at least have one defined writing “assignment” to complete for each meeting. A couple of weeks ago, I rejoined the writing group in earnest after an extended absence and brought this piece to the meeting. While discussing it, I pointed out that there are a couple of style “traits” that show up in my stuff. So, I am going to do some commentary on those traits after you read the piece.
Logline: Two sensible circus performers wage war against each other.
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“And this, kind sir, is where I landed,” Stefano Graziosi stated, gesturing with pointed finger at an oh so slight indentation in the soft packed earth, “after falling from up there,” he continued, swinging that same finger to point at the neatly broken ends of a high trapeze. Between the two points were situated several layers of netting, each with a man sized tear in the middle.
“And were you hurt in any way?” asked the other man, who, in his three piece suit, looked quite out of place under the big top as various performers bustled about, readying themselves for the matinee show. “I would hate to fill out these insurance claim forms if there was really no injury sustained.”
“I landed deftly, I can assure you,” retorted Stefano, “I am a professional! Which is more than I can say for him,” this last phrase punctuated by a tilting toss of the head to indicate someone who was elsewhere. “I still want to file the report, since this has been escalating of late. Last week my tightrope was slackened a smidge and the week before that my slack rope was tightened just perceptibly. I simply cannot entertain the children under these circumstances! I am a”
“Professional, yes, I understand. Well, I have a similar short stack of reports as filed by Mr. Corvallis, indicating that you have also engaged in random bits of minor subterfuge, interrupting his act. None too severe so as to completely ruin a performance, they were more like annoyances. If I didn’t know any better, I would think your hearts just weren’t into it.”
“Well,” replied Stefano thoughtfully, “the show must go on!”
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So, the first thing to bring up is that I eat my own dog food on character names and got all of these from my spam folder as mentioned in a previous blog post of mine. That there was a great name for a circus acrobat was a big plus!
The second trait I noticed occurs in the first paragraph where I interleave some action and dialogue, continuing a gesture as the speech also continues. I think this comes from having written screenplays and trying to convey the “mind picture” around the words.
The third trait I noticed occurs during the interplay of the two characters where the insurance investigator completes the sentence of the acrobat. I think this comes from actively developing an ear for “real world” dialogue where people often talk over each other. This doesn’t always play very well when overused in screenplays, but I used it here with a callback for effect.
These traits are by no means present in everything I write, but they show up often enough -or- are something I have actively worked on refining over time.