“More matter, with less art.” (Hamlet II.ii.95)

Some people are natural storytellers. There are others, however, who can take an otherwise interesting experience and turn it into Purgatorial drudgery for the listener. My mother is one of those people. Like any good son, I love my mother, but I figured out at an early age that my mom has a tendency to ramble a bit. Most of her stories do have a point, and given enough time, she may eventually get around to telling you what it is. In the meantime, be prepared to listen for a very long time.

Looking back, I think I gained whatever editorial skills I possess from listening to my mother’s meandering conversations—a necessity for anyone in the house who hoped to retain some degree of sanity. For my mom, it’s all about the blizzard of details she inserts into any story she tells. A trip to the supermarket turns into an odyssey of roads taken or not taken, accidents avoided, bargains sought, prices compared, people encountered. And interspersed throughout are digressions concerning dates and times and weather conditions and distant friends and coworkers and relatives that have nothing to do with the tale she’s recounting but somehow find their way into the stream of conscious narration that is my mother’s storytelling. The trick for the listener is to sift through all those details and figure out which ones are truly essential and which, although they may be interesting in isolation, are not particularly vital to the story at hand.

Those of us who write are often guilty of the same garrulousness. We take the root of an idea and we let it grow in whatever form or direction seems appropriate, and before long, we have pages filled with words. This is good because instead of a blank page, we now have something we can actually work with. The problem then becomes sorting through all those words and taking out the ones that are downright distracting or don’t really enhance the work as a whole. This, of course, is the painful part. We like our dazzling descriptions and snappy lines of dialogue that flesh out our intricately crafted plots and subplots and bring our host of characters to life. Still, the question we must ask ourselves (and the question my mother never seems to ask) is this: Are all those details absolutely necessary? Would the story be better served, and the writing itself be made infinitely more interesting, if we stripped it down to the barest level possible and built our ideas around what remains? Perhaps in the world of writing, it’s best to remember the old show business motto, “Always leave the audience wanting more.”

“Words, words, words.” (Hamlet, II.ii.192)

This week, a student of mine gave me the latest issue of National Geographic which features an article about a church in Sicily that contains the remains of nearly 2000 mummified corpses. While the photographs of these centuries-old priests and parishioners were repulsively intriguing, one portion of text jumped out at me:

“A number of bodies are still kept in their elaborate coffins. Gingerly, I lift a heavy lid that may have not been moved for over a century and peer inside. The air seems to escape with a thick sigh, and the smell grabs the back of my throat—not a rotten smell but the odor of beef tea and the clogging aroma of dry mold and fine, powdery layers of human dust. It’s a smell that is dramatically unforgettable, the tincture of silence and sadness, the scent of repeated prayer heard from a distance, or of remorse and regret, a smell that’s both repellent and intimately familiar. Something sensed for the first time, but also with a strange and compelling sense of déjà vu.”

Wow! Although I’ve never encountered the realities of death and decay on a level like this, the descriptive power of these lines transports me to a place that is worlds away from my own experience, and for a brief moment, I gain a sense of what it must have been like to peer into the abyss of this author’s mortality. Such is the power of words, and as a writer, I am both intrigued and intimidated by lines that capture the essence of an experience as poignantly and profoundly as these do for me.

I think all writers struggle at times to give shape to their characters’ experiences, although some authors appear to do it so effortlessly. For example, take a look at Charles Frazier’s depiction of the Confederate hospital in the opening pages of his novel, Cold Mountain:

“At the first gesture of morning, flies began stirring. Inman’s eyes and the long wound at his neck drew them, and the sound of their wings and the touch of their feet were soon more potent than a yardful of roosters in rousing a man to wake. So he came to yet one more day in the hospital ward. He flapped the flies away with his hands and looked across the foot of his bed to an open triple-hung window.”

Or watch how Frazier relays the details of Inman’s battle wound:

“At the hospital, the doctors looked at him and said there was not much they could do…They gave him but a gray rag and a little basin to clean his own wound…But mainly the wound had wanted to clean itself. Before it had started scabbing, it spit out a number of things: a collar button and a piece of wool collar from the shirt he had been wearing when he was hit, a shard of soft gray metal as big as a quarter dollar piece, and unaccountably, something that closely resembled a peach pit. That last he set on the nightstand and studied for some days. He could never settle his mind on whether it was a part of him or not.”

I read lines like this and I wonder how anyone could describe that scene better than he has just done. Likewise, witness James Joyce’s description of Stephen Dedalus’ encounter with a young girl in A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. Those familiar with the novel will recall that this is a transformative moment for Dedalus as the young, would-be priest decides to turn his back on a religious vocation and instead devote his life to artistic pursuits.

“A girl stood before him in midstream: alone and still, gazing out to sea. She seemed like one whom magic had changed into the likeness of a strange and beautiful seabird. Her long slender bare legs were delicate as a crane’s and pure save where an emerald trail of seaweed had fashioned itself as a sign upon the flesh. Her thighs, fuller and softhued as ivory, were barred almost to the hips where the white fringes of her drawers were like feathering of soft white down. Her slate-blue skirts were kilted boldly about her waist and dovetailed behind her. Her bosom was as a bird’s, soft and slight, slight and soft as the breast of some dark-plumaged dove. But her long fair hair was girlish, and touched the wonder of mortal beauty, her face.”

Or consider how another Irishman, Frank McCourt, depicts the people of Limerick as they seek refuge from the rain in his memoir Angela’s Ashes:

“The rain dampened the city from the Feast of the Circumcision to New Year’s Eve. It created a cacophony of hacking coughs, bronchial rattles, asthmatic wheezes, consumptive croaks. It turned noses into fountains, lungs into bacterial sponges…From October to April the walls of Limerick glistened with the damp. Clothes never dried: tweed and woolen coats housed living things, sometimes sprouted mysterious vegetations. In pubs, steam rose from the damp bodies and garments to be inhaled with cigarette and pipe smoke laced with the stale fumes of spilled stout and whiskey and tinged with the odor of piss wafting in from the outdoor jakes where many a man puked up his week’s wages.”

These authors all display an amazing knack for bringing their scenes to life, and it’s fun to allow their words to transport us into their worlds, both real and imagined. Other times, it’s interesting to see an author searching desperately for just the right words to convey an experience. For example, witness John Wesley Powell’s description of the Southwestern landscape in his 1895 travelogue, The Exploration of the Colorado River and Its Canyons:

“The landscape everywhere, away from the river, is of rock—cliffs of rock, tables of rock, plateaus of rock, terraces of rock, crags of rock—ten thousand strangely carved forms; rocks everywhere, and no vegetation, no soil, no sand. In long, gentle curves the river winds about these rocks…When thinking of these rocks one must not conceive of piles of boulders or heaps of fragments, but of a whole land of naked rock, with giant forms carved on it: cathedral-shaped buttes, towering hundreds or thousands of feet, cliffs that cannot be scaled, and canyon walls that shrink the river into insignificance, with vast, hollow domes and tall pinnacles and shafts set on the verge overhead; and all highly colored—buff, gray, red, brown, and chocolate—never lichened, never moss-covered, but bare, and often polished.”

You can almost feel the tough, one-armed explorer groping for the perfect combination of nouns and adjectives to help render a tiny glimpse of this vast and virtually indescribable landscape. Now anyone who has seen the Grand Canyon will likely agree that, even as skilled as his descriptions are, Powell still comes up a bit short. But his attempt is certainly better than most, and at the very least, you have to admire his courage for trying. Ultimately, that’s all any writer can do, and like Powell, we must forge ahead and give our best efforts despite the nagging fear that we may fail.

Those of us who enjoy reading and writing often return to our favorite passages from our favorite books simply to enjoy the scenes once again or, perhaps at some level, we hope to somehow absorb a portion of the talent reflected in those sentences. Great descriptions refresh and inspire us, and like thirsty pilgrims drinking water from a well, they sustain our creative souls. If we are lucky, perhaps we will find the right words to transport readers into those worlds crafted deep inside our own imaginations.

Phoenix area writing workshops for July/August

Writing is a lonely occupation. You fight the blank page into submission (or at least to a draw), sweat over the details, rewrite it a million times, then hand it off to someone else who says “It was nice.” It’s one reason I’m such a fan of writing groups and other ways for writers to connect and support each other.

The trick is finding a good group or workshop to attend. A wonderful Arizona independent bookstore (another interest of mine) called Changing Hands Bookstore has a series of writing events going on, and I just got their newsletter for their July/August schedule. They are covering an increasing range of writing genres, from novels to non-fiction. Previous workshops have covered childrens books and women’s novels.

This list isn’t currently up on their site, but watch their calendar section for more information, or subscribe to their newsletter. If you’re a writer, you need to be reading, and Changing Hands is a great place to get your reading material.

WOMEN’S WRITING RETREAT
1-4PM SATURDAY, JULY 19
Cost: $40

Back by popular demand, Robin Brande returns with her Women’s Writing Retreat. Learn how to find your own true voice, research your novel, and stay motivated throughout the entire process. Brande is the author of Evolution, Me and Other Freaks of Nature, selected by the American Library Association as one of the Year’s Best Books for Young Adults. Robin will also discuss some of the the fundamentals of writing novels for young adults and teens. Registration and pre-payment required at 480-730-0205.


WORKSHOP: HOW TO WRITE A MIDDLE GRADE NOVEL
6:30-8:30PM MONDAY, JULY 21
Cost: $25

Are you interested in writing for teens? Learn from Janette Rallison , author of Revenge of the Cheerleaders, how to write a young adult novel. Rallison will discuss the differences between YA literature and other books. She’ll also share how to create main characters that will hold teen interest and develop story questions, believable motivation, conflict, antagonists and more. Rallison is the author of seven young adult novels which have been put on various state reading lists, as well as YALSA’s Popular Picks lists and the YA Choices list. Her books have sold over 700,000 copies. Registration and pre-payment required at 480-730-0205.


WRITING FOR THE SLICKS WITH 944 MAGAZINE’S JULIE STONE
6:30-8:30PM TUESDAY, JULY 22
Cost: $25

Since entering the fast-paced world of print media as an Editorial Assistant for 944 magazine in February 2007, Julie Stone has had many published articles including ones on eco-friendly sex, feng shui for the bedroom and aphrodisiac foods, which have enhanced the sultry image that 944 has sported for the last six years. In this new workshop, Writing for the Slicks, Stone discusses her weekly web column and shows you what it takes to be a writer for print and multi-media. Registration and pre-payment required at 480-730-0205.


21 DAYS TO A NOVEL WITH MICHAEL STACKPOLE
6:30-8:30PM MONDAY, AUGUST 4
Cost: $35

New York Times bestselling author Michael Stackpole steps you through twenty-one days worth of exercises that will enable you to plan everything you’ll need to be able to successfully write a novel. Topics covered by the exercises include character creation, conflict, world building, dialogue and plotting. No more having a novel burn out after twenty pages, or getting stuck five chapters in-21 Days to a Novel sets you up to finish that novel once and for all. Registration and pre-payment required at 480-730-0205.


HOW NOT TO WRITE
WITH JACK PENDARVIS
6-7PM TUESDAY, AUGUST 5
Cost: One copy of Pendarvis’s new novel, Awesome ($18), or any other Pendarvis title

Join the always hilarious Jack Pendarvis for the fiction writing workshop “How Not to Write,” in which participants will explore the three most important aspects of not writing: 1) How to avoid writing. 2) If you must write, how to sidestep the deadly pitfall of beautifully crafted prose. 3) How to do everything wrong and still be happy. Pendarvis is the author of Awesome (a novel) and two books of short stories, The Mysterious Secret of the Valuable Treasure and Your Body Is Changing. He is currently whipping his detective novel (titled Shut Up, Ugly) into shape. Like his other books before it, Shut Up, Ugly will be published by MacAdam/Cage. PLEASE NOTE: Awesome is indeed awesome, and filled with frank sexual humor. Registration and pre-payment required at 480-730-0205.


WRITING WORKSHOP: JOURNALING YOUR DREAMS
6:30-8:30PM THURSDAY, AUGUST 21
Cost: $20

Creativity coach Quinn McDonald conducts the workshop, Dream Journaling for the Hopelessly Practical. Dreams deliver specific symbols and signs for your life. Learn how to make the most of your dreams through a dream journal, even if you don’t remember them. Use your daydreams as idea generators and to explore sleep thinking. Cost: $20. Registration and pre-payment at 480-730-0205.


NON FICTION WRITING WORKSHOP: TO TELL THE TRUTH
6:30-8:30PM THURSDAY, AUGUST 28
Cost: $20

Many of today’s hottest writers — David Sedaris, Anne Lamott, Jon Krakauer, Mary Karr, Sebastian Junger — publish in creative nonfiction. Freelance writer and the editor of Dave Pratt’s forthcoming memoir, Behind the Mic, Lori Pfeiffer leads a course for the creative nonfiction writer. Pfeiffer introduces the literary techniques that turn truth into stories, such as nurturing a narrative, structuring a scene and wielding vivid verbs. Registration and pre-payment required at 480-730-0205.

(I just wish they wouldn’t format their newsletter so weird… )

If you know of any other workshops around Arizona, let me know!

Herculean Fitness

Herculean Fitness Eric M. Bahle June 28, 20008

“It is not about daily increase, but daily decrease. Hack away unessentials.”—Bruce Lee.

Health and fitness is not a hidden mystery. It has been corrupted and confused, corporate logoed and buzzworded, mystified and obfuscated. Gym is short for gymnasium. A Spartan hoplite trained daily in his gym. He trained naked on the dirt and sand, open to the sky. He had no Nautilus or Hammer Strength machines, no Stairmasters or spinning cycles. And he forged a body and spirit whose legend shows no sign of diminishing twenty-five centuries later. What do you think he would make of a gym with carpet, air conditioning, chrome machines and mirrors on every wall? Hack away the unessentials and see the simple truth. Fire, forge, heat, hammer, shape, temper. This is the discipline.

Thou shalt move thy ass. Your body was not designed to hunch in a cubicle for nine hours a day. It was designed to walk over miles and miles of grassland. It was designed to run through forests after game. To throw a spear and swing a club. Get up off that couch that wasn’t designed for your body. Run. Jogging is for pussies. Get your legs pumping and your lungs heaving. Forget about your target fat burning zone. You’ll know your heart rate is up because it will be thudding in your chest like a trip hammer. Your heart will beg you to stop and you will ignore it. You will command your legs to keep moving and they will obey you.

Thou shalt hit things. Play tackle football. Crowd each other on a racquetball court. Work over a heavy bag or focus mitts. Kick, punch, knee, attack. Spar with someone. Wooden sticks, bamboo swords, or bare hands. You are not a mint condition collectible action figure. Open the original packaging. Get cut, bruised, scarred. Swell, bleed, hurt. Inflict pain, take pain. The pain, the pain, the beautiful pain. Look another person in the eye and punch them in the face. Look them in the eye when they come back with a leg kick.

Thou shalt lift. Get the fuck off that leg curl machine and do some fucking work. Load a metal bar with big metal plates and move it. Adductor-abductor machine? Fuck that. Real lifts are ugly with ugly names. Squat, dead lift, skull crusher, crucifix, hang cleans, clean and jerk, snatch. If you want your body to change you have to make it work. If you’re not scared of the iron on the bar, there’s not enough iron on the bar.

Thou shalt not whine. Your excuses are worth exactly shit. Don’t even try to give me one because unless it’s a sudden onset of death, it’s bullshit. If you want to train then train. I’ve seen a one-legged wrestler. What’s your excuse? I’ve seen a wrestler with no legs and only one good arm. What’s your excuse? I’ve seen a paraplegic compete in a bodybuilding contest and a quadriplegic play rugby. What’s your excuse? I’ve seen a soldier with his eye blown out who graduated Ranger school? What’s your excuse? That’s what I thought.

Thou shalt not stop. Make the choice to start and then never stop. Goals are good but they can be traps. Lose twenty pounds. Done. Now what? This is training. This is discipline. Make it a part of your life. Your whole life. Here’s a goal. Never stop. Jack Palance doing one-armed pushups at the Oscars. Legendary. Jack Lalanne towing a yacht with his teeth for his seventieth birthday. Epic. Can’t get to the gym? Train in your garage. If a prisoner can build a Greek god’s physique in a six by eight cell, you can do it in your living room. If you make it part of your life, your life will be long and worth living. Train until it’s part of your personality. When your coworkers look at you like you’re crazy, you’re on the right track. Train until it’s part of your psyche. When your coworkers tell you straight out that you’re crazy, now you’re doing it right.

Word Exercise: “Moxie”

It was still dark as we raced along the interstate outside Camp Verde. Some fresh snow had fallen during the night, and there were plenty of slick patches on the road—“black ice” as it is called—especially over the bridges and overpasses. We saw this as a good omen, because snow and ice are precisely what we had in mind when we were planning this trip.

“Turn that up,” shouted Cliff from the backseat.

“So, you’re wake,” answered Doug. Cliff had been sleeping since we picked him up. Cliff worked a nightshift as an orderly in the psyche ward at the state hospital in Phoenix, but he was able to get off at 4:00 a.m. so that we could get an early start.

“This song certainly fits,” I said as I turned up the cassette in Doug’s car stereo. We had been listening to a compilation of U2 songs, and next up was “New Year’s Day.”

“Do you remember this video?” asked Doug. “I hope that’s not gonna be us!” Doug was referring to the images in the video of the band riding horses through an ice-encrusted forest. The fellows are dressed in heavy fur coats, and both their faces and the horses’ snouts are engulfed in thick clouds of vapor as they breathe the chilly air.

My friends and I had two more weeks left of our winter break from college, and since we were all avid campers, we figured what could be more fun than a winter backpacking trip? So here it was, New Year’s Day, 1986, and we were driving to Flagstaff to spend two nights camping in the forests of Locket Meadow at the base of the San Francisco Peaks. We had backpacked in these forests several times before, in addition to hiking some rather grueling trails in the Superstition Mountains and the Grand Canyon. Plus, I had studied a book called Walking Softly in the Wilderness: The Sierra Club Guide to Backpacking pretty closely—especially chapter 23 on winter camping, which I had practically memorized. These factors, as well as all of us being in our early 20’s (and like most young guys, still possessing the deep-seated belief that we were somehow magically immune from harm), convinced us that this would be a really fun idea. Our plan was to arrive in Flagstaff long before dawn, grab some breakfast, and drive up to the trailhead just as the sun was rising in order to maximize the limited number of winter daylight hours.

Although most of the forest roads were buried in snow at this time of year, we knew the road to Locket Meadow would be open because it was also used by semi-trucks hauling black volcanic pumice out of a mine located on the edge of the mountain range. Since it was so early on a holiday morning, we had the road entirely to ourselves. We parked the car, unloaded our gear, and proceeded to suit up for the journey. There were our backpacks, of course, which were particularly heavy for this trip. But there were also the snowshoes we would need to walk around, as well as a plastic flying-saucer-shaped sled we brought along with even more gear loaded on it. According to chapter 23 of Walking Softly in the Wilderness, we were going to need a lot more gear than we usually brought for a summer backpacking trip, and since we didn’t have a team of sled dogs to carry our things, this orange disk would have to do.

For all of us, this was our first time wearing snowshoes. It’s one thing to try them out in a sporting goods store or in your living room, but it’s entirely different wearing them on top of a four-foot snow bank with a fifty pound pack on your back while hauling a sled. Let’s just say it took a while to finally get the hang of the darned things. You must walk with your feet far apart, otherwise you’ll step on the other shoe and go toppling into the snow. Or if you fail to lift your foot off the ground high enough, your snowshoe might get caught on a tree root or the edge of a rut or a snowdrift, which also sends you toppling into the snow. The road into Locket Meadow is only about four miles long, which makes for a nice leisurely walk in the summer. But add in the deep snow, the snowshoe-mastery learning curve, as well as the weight of all the extra equipment, and a hike that would ordinarily take a couple of hours wound up taking us all morning. So by the time we made it to the campsite, it was well past lunchtime and we were all thoroughly thrashed. We were learning fast that, given the cold and the snow, it simply takes longer to do things outdoors in winter. Chapter 23 of the backpacking book mentioned this once, but I was beginning to wonder why the author didn’t place a sterner warning about this in large bold print on every single page of that chapter.

Another factor we failed to consider in our careful preparation was how the mountains were going to affect the amount of useable daylight. Locket Meadow is situated at the bottom of bowl-shaped valley surrounded by the San Francisco Peaks. This means that by mid-afternoon, the sun will have already dropped behind the mountains, which not only limits the amount of daylight available to set up camp; it also means that once the sun falls behind the mountains, the temperature plummets about thirty degrees in thirty minutes. While we were hiking in, we were working up a good sweat, plus the temperature was in the forties. By the time the sun had set, the temperature was in the teens and we were hurrying to set up camp before we froze. Ideally, as per chapter 23, you want to dig a pit down past the snow and all the way to the dirt rather than placing your tent on top of the snow. The book didn’t really say why, but we knew we were going to find out soon enough because we didn’t have enough time to dig the pit completely. We found a low-lying area next to a fallen tree and did the best we could given the circumstances. Besides, we figured that we could always re-do things in the morning after getting a good night’s sleep.

By now it was late afternoon. We climbed into the tent and got comfortable in our sleeping bags, which were made of thick down and quite warm. The only parts of us that weren’t warm were our hands and faces, so we spent the next fifteen hours hunkered inside our sleeping bags wearing our hats and gloves. The first few hours passed easily enough. We boiled up a big can of chili and ate dinner. We played some card games and read books by the beam of a large overhead lantern. Then rather than trying to keep ourselves awake, we made the mistake of dozing off for a few hours. I say this was a mistake because when we all woke up it was only 11:00 p.m., and here in this valley, we wouldn’t be seeing any daylight again until close to 9:00 a.m. the following morning. We were also beginning to realize why the backpacking book had insisted on digging past the snow before setting up a tent. The snow we were on had melted and packed into a rock-hard sheet of ice. This wouldn’t have been so bad if the floor had frozen smooth and flat, but we were trying to sleep on top of the lumpiest and most jagged chunk of floor imaginable. The best any of us were able to do during the long, windy, bitterly cold night was try to find a semi-comfortable spot to lay and doze for a few minutes—all the while praying that none of us would have to go outside to take a leak.

The night crept slowly on. Somewhere near 5:00 a.m., Doug turned on his Walkman and listened to a radio station out of Flagstaff. The DJ reported that the temperature in town was ten degrees, which means that since we were a few thousand feet higher than this, the temperature outside our tent was probably near zero. The reality of these Siberian conditions became painfully clear when, three hours later, the sun finally peeked over the nearby ridge and we got up to dress. We soon found that nearly everything was frozen: our boots, our water, our crackers, oatmeal, Poptarts, canned goods, the gear in the sled…everything. So not only had it been a long night, it now promised to be a very long day. It was at this point that Doug spoke up.

“I’m outta here!” he said.

“Me too,” said Cliff.

“Wait! We have all day,” I said. “We can reset the tent, warm up some food. It’s not so bad…”

“The first thing you can do is burn that camping book of yours,” said Doug.

By then, Doug had already started packing up his things. He was in such a hurry to get back to his car that he didn’t even wait for Cliff and I to finish breaking camp before heading off ahead of us. The hike out of the meadow went much smoother than the previous day’s march, partly because the going was mostly downhill and partly because we had finally gotten used to walking in snowshoes. Doug was waiting inside the car for us when we arrived with the heater blowing and the music turned up. Soon we were in Flagstaff eating lunch at Jack-In-The-Box, and a few hours later we were back at Cliff’s house in Phoenix where his wife was busy making us all a warm dinner. That night, we watched the classic mountain man movie, Jeremiah Johnson, and when the scene came up where Hatchet Jack is frozen to a tree holding a Hawken rifle in his cold, stiff fingers, I couldn’t help believing that we’d all gained a bit of insight into how he must have felt.